As divorce changes family dynamics, children of all ages are substantially affected. Adult children can still experience feelings of being torn between their parents and feeling they should pledge loyalty to one parent or the other. After so many years of viewing their parents as a team, adult children may feel confused about their parents’ decision to divorce—especially if they didn’t experience high levels of conflict between their parents as they were growing up. They may contemplate whether their parents’ marriage was genuine and question whether they missed signs of an unhappy marriage.
Adult children may also experience a financial impact if their parents’ divorce means that they will no longer have the means to keep financial commitments, such as paying for college tuition, down payments on houses, weddings, etc. Feelings of uncertainty are difficult for children whose parents divorce, no matter the children’s age.
Parents can collaboratively determine what information they will share with their children. It is important to keep private, painful details out of the conversation as sharing resentments only makes the process more difficult for the children. Talking with their children at the same time and giving the same information can go a long way toward the children’s continued sense of stability. Additionally, parents can prepare themselves for a barrage of questions and formulate simple responses.
As the family faces this challenge, they will also experience new opportunities. Adult children can now view each of their parents in a new, more authentic light. They also have the opportunity to convey their love to each of their parents by offering their caring support.
Parents can model healthy adjustment and adaptation following change. This change is an opportunity to review wonderful memories and convey that both parents look to the future with hope. Ultimately, this family has the opportunity to strengthen itself to best support each and every member through whatever challenges life may present.